Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
In America we eat man semen.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
