The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
