So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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