mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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