is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
