Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
