just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
