At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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