Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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