You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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