whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
