period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I understand Curling. That high.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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