I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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