the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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