My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So here I am, sexting at work.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
