I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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