I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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