google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
