hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
