I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
