just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
