I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Randomize
