is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
