So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
