My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
