It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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