Cold hands, warm shart.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
