I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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