all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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