So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
