i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
