it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
