He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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