He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
