So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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