we have officially lost it.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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