He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
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