I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
