Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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