I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
