everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
