I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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