carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
