I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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