Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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