He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
