I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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