So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
