i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize