and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
