This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
