I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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