Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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