im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
