A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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