You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
