Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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