i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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