The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
