she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
