Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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