Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I think my moral compass just broke
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
