Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
