It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
