I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
