My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
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