gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
