i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize