I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
