Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
