You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
