Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
