I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
