Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
