I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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