He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize