the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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