that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
