I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
