Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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