What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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