ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
