she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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