i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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