The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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