I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
