God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
