Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize