i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
