I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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