I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
