What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
