I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
