I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
