just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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