I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
