i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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