I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
