I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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