Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
