member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
