Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
