I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
