Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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