happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
