we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
